Intertwined

We did a newborn photo shoot for the girls. The photographer posted one of the pictures on her Facebook page. I love this picture of the girls, so close together and loving on one another. Charlotte is on the left, Michelle is on the right. Michelle is the one who is always reaching over to Charlotte and holding on to her. Michelle is baby b,  the gymnastic.

Due Date

Yesterday was my due date. It was a  pretty uneventful day as I just spent time with my girls and took them to the park to play and enjoyed there smiles.
Today I found out that during my mellow day, two Surro sister's of mine had very hard deliveries. One was pregnant with twins, delivered baby A vaginally with no problems. Baby B ended up having cord Prolapse, meaning the cord came down in to the birth canal before the baby. This cuts of the oxygen to baby and requires an emergency c-section. She is recovery and doing ok, but to have a double whammy delivery will be a harder recovery. I hope she has the support to help her over the next few weeks.

The other Surro sister had a very rare complication. Placenta accreta. This is when your placenta grows in to your uterus. I'm not sure if she knew about this prior to delivery, but after she delivered her surro baby, and her placenta didn't come out she had to have a hysterectomy. She was not done having children of her own and was planning on doing a sibling journey for this family.  These are things that will NEVER be possible for her. I can not image the devastation and heart ache that would cause. She has very loving IPs and I know they will help out as much as possible, but nothing can replace that loss.
As a Surrogate, you know that loss of your uterus is possible. It's written in your contract that you could lose it and will be compensated for it, but that compensation can never make up for not having another child of your own. And it's not something to be taken lightly.  Many surrogates don't think these things will happen to them, because they never happened with their own pregnancies. The reality is: they haven't happened YET. And YET stands for You're Eligible Too.

The girls have arrived!

I did it! The girls are here and I'm so happy to bring life into this world.  That Morning of the induction I was really emotional and did not want to be induced.  It took me a bit to get out of the house and was late getting to the hospital.  My doctor knew about my mom passing and was very understanding. 

When I showed up the doctor checked me and I was 4cm, 80% effaced, and -2 station. My doctor broke my water at 9am and boy was that a weird feeling!  I had so much fluid and felt like I was sitting in a warm bath.  After that it would only be a matter of time before my contractions started.  At first they were mild and easy to manage but they quickly got extremely intense and I was having a hard time keeping my mind in a peaceful place.  I was very upset about my mom not being there, that I couldn't call her and had been crying most of the morning prior to the induction.  

Birth IS mental.  I have done this before, 4 times and know that when my mind is in a good place my birth is easy and peaceful.  My Doula, who has been with me at my last two births, knows me very well and how I react and handle birth.  She could see me struggling as I was crying through my contractions unable to relax. I could see the girls mom feeling sad for me as she knew about the loss of my mother and yet wanting to be so excited for the birth of her daughters. My Doula had a heart to heart with me and after, I decided that I wanted the epidural.  This was to be a joyous moment and I felt that was getting lost.  I knew we were getting close to delivery as my body normally starts off a bit slow, then takes off like a light switch is turn on.  At this point it is 11:15 and the nurse checks me.  I am 6cm dilated, so she calls in the epidural.  I do not know what time it is, but I do remember her checking me again not long after and I am almost an 8.  The anesthesiologist shows up and does the quickest run down of the pros and cons of the epi and then give me one quick dose.  I am not sure why, but that was so painful!  I truly believe it was because I could not relax and I know that being tense makes everything 1000x worse.  The crazy thing was during it, I could feel my body starting to have the urge to push!!!  I almost got off the bed to go walk to the OR because I didn't think I was going to have time to get the epi and get over there.  Here with twins, you have to deliver in the OR vaginally just in case you need asection.  As soon as he was done with the epidural they wheeled me over to the OR.  The dose kicked in just enough that I could feel my self pushing baby A out and was no longer feeling the discomfort from the contractions.  Birthing her was so exciting and exhilarating! Her mother was right there to witness the whole thing!! The doctor put her on my stomach so we could do the delayed cord clamping and then her mom got to cut her cord and hold her before they checked her out. She was 6lb 12oz, 18" long! Beautifully pink and alert!!  Her mom was crying and came to my side and thanked me over and over.  Then she went to be with her daughter while the doctors worked on getting baby B in position for birth.  She was in a very unique position.  If you can imagine this, she was Frank Breech position, so her feet were up by her face, BUT she was head down. Because of this she was moving down well in to my pelvis and the doctors felt they needed to do some manual manipulation to help her out.  They broke my water and used a suction cup to help get her in to place.  Doing this meant that my doctor had his whole hand inside me in order to get the suction up on her head.  He was pulling her down while I had another doctor pushing on my stomach to get her down as well.  I also had a nurse at each leg pulling them back as far as possible to help get her out.  The girls mom said I looking like a wishbone being pulled in half.  Baby B came out head first with her feet, and a hand, by her face.  She was born very quickly and because of that had a very bruised face.  At first she was non responsive and the doctor did not do the delayed cord clamping for her and quickly gave her to the doctors, nurses to check her.  She perked up after that and started crying and didn't need any assistance at all.  She was 6lbs 1oz 17 1/2".  

The girls mom and dad were so grateful for the delivery of their two very healthy, happy girls.  They let me nurse the girls in the hospital and I got to spend quality time with them as a family.  My DF was so amazing through this whole process as well.  He supported every decision and was right there with me holding my hand, rubbing my back, speaking words of love and encouragement to me.  I am one of the luckiest girls in the world to have him by my side. He even went home and brought our girls back to the hospital to meet the babies, or "friends" as my daughter calls them.  

I have been blessed to have such a wonderful experience doing this and would consider doing it again just to see the joy it brings a family.  

37 week's & induction!

Tomorrow is the big day!  Time for these girl's to come earth side and meet their parents.

I'm excited and nervous and ready and not ready!! Lol. Tomorrow is a beautiful day, a day of gratitude, life, and joy. A day that had been long awaited.

I didn't want to be induced, but the time has come and I'm rolling with it.

Many prayers for a beautiful birth and a safe delivery!!

Gone to soon

With a heavy heart I am sad to say that my mom passed away on pi day. 3.14.15

I miss her terribly. I know she is watch over me and is always with me.

I never thought this day would come so soon.... But I'm grateful for all the time I spent with her making memories.

I love you mommy.

The List

So here is a list of things I can try to get labor going:

* Sex! It's not the act itself but the hormones the help things along. Orgasms happen from oxytocin, the love hormone, and it is also what causes contractions. Also, prostaglandins in semen help soften the cervix, which will help it to dilate and efface.

*Chiropractor - get body and babies lined up for delivery.

*Bouncing on a birth ball - applying pressure to cervix to help dilate and working with gravity to pull baby down

*Walking - Gets those hips moving allowing baby down in the birth canal

*Acupuncture - hasn't tried it but hear it helps you're body to relax so birth is possible.

*Supplements - EPO aka Evening Primrose Oil. Also good for softening the cervix. Also a supplement called birth prep. Natural herbs in pill form to get your body ready. Also put Sage Oil on my belly every 3-4 hours should help bring on labor.

*Reiki Matter - A couple of my birth students had a reiki master work on getting their energy in line and ended up in labor shortly after that. I have had so much stress that doing this should be helpful

*Coffee Potty - basically, you sit above a bowl of caffeinated coffee and hot water for 30 mins max to help dilate your cervix.

* Nipple Stimulation - I have a pump and again, this stimulates oxytocin and help with contracts.

Some I have already tried, and others not yet. I will keep you posted.

36 Week's

I was checked on Monday 3.9.15 and I am now currently 36 weeks! Woooo hooo! So happy I made it this far.
Per ultrasound girls are about 6lbs 3oz and 5lbs 9 oz. I know this can be off, but I'm sure its close. So about 11lbs 12oz of baby in me! What great sizes for the girls. Penny was 9lbs 11 oz and they never thought she would be that big.
My Cervix is 2cm and is moving forward out of the posterior position. This is good. Normally your cervix will tuck it's self back until it's closer to delivery day. Then it starts to move forward in order to open and let baby out.
My doctor has scheduled an induction date of 3.20.15 and I would love to avoid it at all cost!
Yes I can fight against that date, but the parents are ready to meet their girls, so I'm trying to find balance between a natural birth and induction. The parents are not pushy about any of it and I think I could talk to them if I need to about waiting on the induction.
For now I will put together a list of ideas to help get my body to relax and let go for birth.

35 weeks!

This is a great week! The IPs have arrived and are getting settled. We made it to 35 week's, which means the girls have a great chance not needing any time in the NICU! Every day that goes by that I am still pregnant is amazing to me.

I have been thinking that I would have these girls on March 5th, mostly due to the full moon, but now I think my body is going to hold on to them longer. I may even make it to 38 week's! Yes it's getting painful a little more every day, and now I have some amazing hemorrhoids that have really added to the experience in a way I never expected. (They suck and are extremely painful!) But the joy and excitement I feel to watch the IM hold her daughter's... that is worth it all. This journey will be ending soon, and I need to cherish every last moment. Every ache and pain, every time my feet and legs swell up, every restless leg syndrome I have. All the heartburn I feel hours after I have eaten. The pain from a Braxton Hicks when my bladder is to full. Not being able to breathe and having a bruised rib from the girls head....
( I wrote that all for me to remember, because after birth, I may forget)

33 / 34 week's

At the beginning of week 33 they did an ultrasound to check girls growth.

Baby A weighing in at 5lbs!

Baby B not far behind at 4lbs 13oz.

Woo hooo! Explains all the added pressure I have been experiencing. Both girls looked great moving around and being active.

The owner of the agency wss there with me too. It was great having her support. Later in the week had my normal NST and all was good.

The following week I had another NST scheduled on Monday and glad I did. The girls had been very quiet, especially baby B who is the gymnastic. She is always moving but Sun and Monday she was quiet. We did the NST and saw her heartbeat, but she was on the quiet side. I drank some juice to help perk up the girls, but didn't do much. So we then did a BPP  (biophysical profile) which is an ultrasound that will watch the girls take practice breaths, monitor their movements, and check the fluid around them make sure everything is looking good. They both passed but it took awhile to get them to move. My doctor was ok with the results but said he wanted to do one last ultrasound the following day to check the blood flow in the girls cord.  I was nervous for them, but I also know at this point, in running our of room for them to move around. So there movements will be less.

Later that night the girls started moving around so that was reassuring.

The next day they were very active and of course the ultrasound showed the blood flow working great in their cords. Hooray!

Worth the pain

This pregnancy had been good just like all my others. I have been able to stay busy with the girls, running around and getting things done. No morning sickness, no cramps in my calfs, no heartburn....

Until I hit 28 week's. Then things started to not be as easy. Bending over became more difficult, the heartburn started to pick up, and legs cramps have almost happen but I have been able to avoid them.  I have gotten really tired and my energy has gone way down. My Braxton hicks have become intense and most of the time I can not move through them.  I woke up the other day feeling my hip was cracking in to pieces. It brought me to tears. The ligament stretching has been so intense, I feel I can not move. I felt similar discomfort in my own pregnancies, but not this intense. I worry about the pain of birth and everything coming together smooth. Not much longer now. Another two week's minimum, 5 week's maximum. That seems so surreal. I can't believe I am getting to do this, and for such a lovely couple.  The discomfort and tears are more than I care for at this point but I remind myself it's only for a short time, and the seeing the look on my IMs face meeting her daughter's will be worth every min of pain.

32 Week's!

Had my ultrasound to take a look at the girls. Fluid is still looking good for each girl. Baby A is measuring on the large side. Almost 2 week's ahead, currently weighing in 4lbs 9oz, she is in the 67%. She is the mellow baby as far as what I can feel, but that is partly due to my placenta being located on the front of my belly. She is also head down!

Baby B is also measuring a bit ahead, currently weighing in at 4lbs 8oz, and in the 66%. She is the more active baby and that may also be partly due to her placenta being attached closer to my back. She is breech.  So combined total weights are 9lbs 1oz and I'm measuring 43 week's! Eekkk.

Also, my cervix has gotten longer since my last visit. From the 2.8  to a 3.5! That is great news. Hoping it stays long to hold the girls in till March!

All in all, a great update.  Also, they did another FFN to see if labor will happen in the next two week's and that came back negative. Which means I should be fine for the next two week's, but birth is unpredictable and will happen when it happens. I feel a bit better that the test is negative, but it's not 100%. Just need to keep resting. This time will go by fast.

30 weeks

I've made it to 30 weeks! So excited to finally be here. In a normal pregnancy I would think I still have another 10 to 12 weeks left . But with twins you just never know.

I had a doctors appointment yesterday and they did an ultrasound and my NST testing. The NST checks baby's heart rate and also to see if you're having any contractions. The ultrasound is just to look at the fluid around baby's, make sure they have enough, and check my cervix to make sure it's staying long and not thinning out. If your cervix thins out too much, it can put you into preterm labor; not something we want. My NST came out good. Both girls had great heartbeat and were busy and active. I also had no contractions, which is great because earlier in the week I had a lot.
My ultrasound showed the girls have lots of fluid around them which is important to keeping them warm and not compressing on their body or cord, compromising the oxygen they're getting . However my cervix did get shorter. It went from a 4.2 last week to a 2.8 this week. Anything above a 3 is what they want. My doctor told me I need to be on pelvic rest at this point just to make sure the girls stay put and we keep them growing. So no cleaning, no lifting and I need to keep my feet up as much as possible. He did say that if my contractions act up again, a glass of wine will help them calm down. Hey doctor's orders! Ha ha ha. I let the girls mom know and she said that is fine if needed. I'm not much of a wine drinker, but of course now that I can have some, I have no desire.

Lucky, I got some extra help for my daughter's and house so that they can still run and play and I can rest. And my house doesn't look like a bomb went off.

My goal is to make it to March. I will be 35 week's the first week of March and the girls will be much bigger, healthier and need little to no NICU time. It may not seem like a big deal, but I know a lot of other surrogates who have had the babies at 31/32 weeks. Currently one of them, who's due date is only 3 days before me, her water broke about 4 hours ago. No contractions, so it's hospital bed rest until the babies arrive. She is hoping to make it another 3 weeks. Makes me so nervous!

Tomorrow, I will be doing a lot of nothing!

Life and Death

Two things we are guaranteed ~ Life and Death.

Right now I am creating life.  I am in charge eating well so that these babies get good nutrition.  I am in charge of staying hydrated so they have a lot of fluid to keep them warm.  I am in charge of getting enough rest so that my body can work on sending the girls blood and oxygen.  I am in charge of helping my body to function well so that these girls can grow to be big healthy girls at delivery and hopefully not come to soon. I have made it 30 weeks.  30 weeks of committing myself to two other lives so that one women could have her greatest wish come true. So that one women could know what it feels like to love her own children, to be called 'mom', to watch her daughters grow in to young ladies, to pass on traditions that were passed on to her.  It is truly the most amazing gift to give another.  When I see the girls move in my belly, which is often and their movements are big, I am still in awe that I am able to do this.  This Mother has a heart of Gold and she will be the greatest mother to these girls. I am truly blessed to make her wish come true.


Right now I am also dealing with death. My mom was diagnosed with soft pallet cancer (aka throat cancer) back in 2012.  At the time we did not know that it would be terminal.  She has been through Radiation, 3 different chemo's and about 7 surgery's.  My mom is a strong soldier who never gives up and always believes there is a solution for everything.  Unfortunately, her cancer is much stronger and instead of going away, getting smaller or even stop growing it has continued and has spread.  At this point my mom is very weak and has very little time left.  I have been told she won't make it to March, but no one really knows.  My oldest son is 21 and a Marine.  He was deployed July 2014 and is due back home soon.  She really wants to see him and I think will try to hang on until he gets home.  He is to be back early spring, but no real date.  I never thought I would loose my mom at this point in my life.  I really thought I had much more time with her. We have spent some good times together and this past summer did a few small things she really wanted to do.  One was to go to the Getty Center Museum in LA.  The other was to go to the Festival of the Arts.  She really enjoyed both of those things and they were really the last of the mother daughter adventure's.  Just to give you a quick background, my mom and I have had a rough relationship.  For many years I really didn't like my mom and the choices she made in her life.  They were very painful for me and when I really needed her as I was growing up through the awkward preteen, teenage, and young adult life, she wasn't there.  She actually became very ill and almost passed away then.  Since then she has done a lot to change her life and be healthy.  We have spent a lot of time repairing our relationship and have become very close.  I have learned a lot of wonderful things about my mom and who she is and admire her talent and abilities.  She has been the person I go to for a lot of business decisions, organization ideas, birthday ideas, fashion, decorating..... I guess a lot of things.  I am sad that there will come a day when I pick up the phone to share something with her only to realize she isn't hear anymore.

With both things happening at the same time, life and death, it has been a roller coaster of emotions.  Right now I can feel the girls kicking and moving around, which makes me smile, while tears stream down my face thinking about my mom.  I do my best to stay in the moment and not dwell on what is going to happen or even when, but try to focus on spending quality time with my mom and share with her everything that is going on and stay present in today.

Not what I expected....

Surrogacy.  It's not what I thought it would be.  With today's technology and social media I can hear stories from Surrogates or IPs (Intended Parents) about their journey and it's not some life time movie or I knew a girl who's cousin's best friend's aunt who was twice removed has been down that road....  and all the drama that goes with it.  I have heard of several very amazing journey's where surrogates and IP's become close friends and what happens through pregnancy and birth is beyond what anyone can dream.  Then I have also heard the stories that do not turn out the way the surrogate or IP expect and there is a lot of heartbreak and feelings of loosing control.

When I first started this journey I imaged giving the greatest gift to another, the gift of life! I imagined how easy it would be, because I get pregnant easy, and my pregnancies and births are mostly very easy going. I thought about all the wonderful things I have been lucky and privileged to experience with my own children.  All the smiles and laughter and even some tears.  I dreampt about giving that to another and how amazing it would be. As I looked more in to it and began my own journey, I got to see that sometimes, things don't always go as planned.  Sometimes there is not the joy that I thought would be there for everyone.  Sometimes there are even losses of these babies.  Sometimes there are disagreements and conflicts over these beautiful small angels.

After reading more about the heartaches that others went through I started to stand a little more guarded.  I have heard several stories of surrogates who never see the baby after they are born and the IPs do not keep in contact, even though in the beginning it was discussed that they would keep in contact.  I have heard of surrogates and the Intended mother becoming really close during pregnancy and then once baby is here, contact is non-existent.  This could be due to the IM wanting to spend every waking moment with this most precious and beautiful gift she thought she would never have.  I can see how I would be so addicted to my child that nothing else would matter. These are some of the things I read that made me feel not to get to attached.

I have kept in touch with my IM at least once a week and mostly through email. She has always seemed very polite and lovely to work with.  I never thought that we would have any problems communicating or coming to any agreements when it came to the pregnancy.  So like I said I have been very guarded with becoming to close but always send my love with a bit of hope that things would be how I originally hope they would be.

Well after seeing them this week and spending hours with them at the hospital, ultrasounds, doctors appointments and visits, I know that it is everything I expected it to be and more. They have complete trust in me and what I am doing for their girls.  They told me that if for some reason they are unable to make it to the birth because I go in to labor early they full trust my decisions until they get there.  What an honor to hear that.  I want nothing for the best for these girls so they can come healthy and their mom can just enjoy every moment, every second smelling them and kissing their sweet skin.  Trying to take it all in and not rush one second.

We had our ultrasound this week and it was the first time they got to see the girls in action.  There were lots of "ohhhs" and "Ahhhs!" while watching them and seeing the girls move around.  The IM was fascinated.  Afterwards we meet with the doctor and he explained everything to them and what I will be doing from this point forward until the girls are here. I will have 2 doctors appointments every week for them to check fluids, heart rates and make sure babies are growing at the same pace.  It is very common at this point to start to see the weights change in the babies and for one to gain more than the other.  Small amounts are ok, but anything significant is dangerous. The IPs were very pleased with my doctor and his office staff.  They feel extremely confident in my choice for our care. After that was over the girls were getting active to I asked the IM if she wanted to feel the girls move. Of course she did.

She was so excited to feel the feet or legs or what ever part it was moving around in there. She was beaming with joy and so excited and appreciative.  Seeing her so happy filled my heart and soul with so much love and excitement!  I am even more thrilled to be doing this for them and can't wait until delivery day.  The look on her face when meeting her daughters is going to be absolutely fantastic!!

I am 28 weeks and 2 days. today.  The girls are measuring well.  One is right on target and the other a little bigger by a couple of weeks.  Their current estimated weights are 2lbs 10oz & 2lbs 15oz.  Already almost 6lbs of baby and I still have at least another 7 wks before these girls are allowed to come!  Most women get uncomfortable and want babies out, and I may end up feeling that way soon...it is getting tight, but I really want to make it to 35 weeks at the earliest! That will be the first week of March and the parents will be here!

This is me today at 28 weeks, but measuring 38!!  This will be interesting to watch this belly grow!! I am really looking forward to seeing these girls, but most of all to see their mom with them is even more excited and worth every bit to get to that. 

Is that a basket ball or a couple of babies under there?!?!

IPs have arrived!

My IPs are here! They came in to town today. I haven't seen them yet but will tomorrow for the hospital tour. Then on Wednesday we have an ultrasound and will see the doctor. Oh I'm so excited for my IM. =D she will be so amazed at feeling her girls move. It's pretty crazy sometimes. I feel like we haven't discussed so much for the birth, after and breastfeeding. I need to get my list of questions together. Eekk. Ok I need sleep. Most recent picture of me, almost 28 weeks.